a decision

i have a lot to say...

well maybe not, i don't want to let it out. it is safe here with me and you. isn't it? yesterday, there was a moment. i only remember the feeling, not the intercourse. the words began slowly then built up upon one another until i was alone. the words from your mouth made the distance grow greater, wider, deeper until the silence came to become the above and below. in the dark, the solitude twists to perform around me. i try to fight, hoping to let the sound bring the faint glimpse of comfort. but the stillness wins, overpowers, conquers.

the words have disappeared...

i break...

shards of glass hit the floor making a puddle around my feet every time this happens. the chandelier below reflects the one above sending light into the cosmos that is beginning to form. not to be seen, heard or touched; only to be understood. an unknown pattern comes from beneath the surface, color, texture all changed from what existed before. but it is not complete, only to be repaired by the one who broke it initially. it wont let me let go. i stare. i follow. i listen. another shard falls away. it is too grueling to see the creation of the new pattern begin. glass falls shattering into disarray. alternating between after the before and before the beginning only to come back to the end.

pure in the cask; exiled from the sour

momentary gratification breeds relentless isolation

views of the ego